7 Easy Steps to Strengthen Your Child's Emotional Intelligence
As parents, we naturally want the best for our kids, and that includes preparing them for a successful future. A big part of that is making sure they get a solid education.
While being smart (IQ) is crucial, how well they handle their emotions (EQ or emotional intelligence) can be even more important. People with high emotional intelligence often stand out and succeed in ways that others might not.
The great news is that EQ can be improved over time with some dedicated effort. There are several practical ways to help boost your child's emotional intelligence, which can lead to better engagement in school and higher grades. Here are seven steps you can take to enhance your child's emotional intelligence and set them up for success.
1. Understand Your Parenting Style
First, it's important to know how your parenting style affects your child's emotional intelligence. According to Dr. John Gottman, there are four main styles of parenting when it comes to dealing with emotions:
• Disapproving: This approach views negative emotions as something bad and tries to eliminate them quickly through punishment.
• Dismissing: This style doesn't take a child's emotions seriously and often tries to distract them or ignore their feelings.
• Laissez-faire: This style accepts all emotions but doesn't help the child manage them or set boundaries for behavior in response to emotions.
• Emotion Coaching: This approach values emotions, is patient with them, and uses emotional experiences as a chance to connect and teach children how to handle their feelings better.
Children whose parents use the emotion coaching style generally have higher emotional intelligence. If your style isn't quite aligned with this approach, don't worry. By following the next steps, you can still make great progress in helping your child develop better emotional intelligence.
2. Pay Attention to Your Child's Emotions
The next step is to be aware of your child's emotions. When you notice that your child is feeling strongly or reacting emotionally, take a moment to notice and think about it. These moments are perfect for teaching and connecting with your child. Be conscious of how you react in these situations. If you can manage your own feelings and stay calm, you can use these emotional moments to help your child learn and grow.
3. Use Everyday Situations to Teach About Emotions
Once you're tuned into your child's emotions, use everyday situations to teach them about what they're feeling. This includes emotions that come up from things they watch on TV or interactions with others in public.
By discussing these real-life examples, you help your child become more aware of their own feelings and develop empathy for others.
4. Listen, Validate, and Name Emotions
After identifying an emotion, whether from a real-life example or an emotional reaction, it's crucial to listen to your child's feelings. Let them express what they're going through.
If they're observing someone else's emotions, encourage them to describe what they see. Validate their feelings—let them know it's okay to feel what they're feeling. Avoid labeling emotions as "bad"; it's the way we act on those feelings that can be problematic. Help your child put a name to their emotions using lists or charts of different feelings.
5. Help Your Child Solve Problems
Once your child can identify their emotions, guide them in learning problem-solving skills. Teach them how to handle their feelings in a productive way and set clear boundaries for acceptable behavior when they're upset. Encourage them to come up with their own solutions for managing their emotions and set goals for future emotional situations.
6. Apply the CARS Method for Big Emotions
When intense emotions or tantrums happen, use the CARS method to reinforce what your child has learned:
Connect: Listen and show understanding and empathy.
Alternative Solutions: Help your child think through different ways to handle the problem.
Respond: Keep your response brief, informative, friendly, and firm.
Set Limits: Establish and maintain clear boundaries about acceptable behavior during emotional outbursts. Avoid allowing harmful actions like throwing things or being violent.
7. Use Visual Aids to Teach Emotions
While talking to your child during emotional moments is important, using visual aids can also be very helpful. Tools like mood charts, emotion posters, and books designed to teach kids about emotions can reinforce what they've learned and make it easier for them to understand and manage their feelings.